I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
