Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
