Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You can't motorboat a personality
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
