She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
