Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
