I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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