i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
