Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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