So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
