highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
