I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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