What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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