what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
