just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
