Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
