I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
