It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
