i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
