I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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