OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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