Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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