you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
