Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
