Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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