I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
