what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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