Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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