Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
