bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
