1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
