Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
