I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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