he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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