So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I AM VODKA MAN
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
