The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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