We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
