On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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