Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
