Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im six kinds of drunk right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
