just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
