Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
