Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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