He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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