if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh god the rape fog is back!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
