Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
