Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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