I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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