all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
