i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
