I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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