I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
